It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Friday, March 30, 2007
withers away @ 10:39 pm

its been a crazy wk seriously.. i dun wanna elaborate, but i really do wanna talk abt ytd.. coz it was so significantly CRAZY.
we had to hand in our pr proj by 2pm ytd.. we still had parts undone the night before.. cyn came over and i stayed up till 4.. she doing the proj, while i studied for my test the next day.. (dun ask me why i can still take it with this kinda sleeping patterns the whole wk.. i guess.. the will is strong heh?) when i woke up she was still at the table doing the proj.. i nearly thought she stayed up the entire night.. anyway, beabu came over later and did the proj with cyn.. both of them skipped lect.. bao and i had to go for our test (duh) so we could only meet them thereafter.. they were at the central lib alr, but they wanted me to bring my laptop along, so i had to go back to hall.. and it started pouring.. great.. pants all wet.. had to change out.. protected my laptop while i went back to central lib.. we were quite in a fluster towards the end as we kept doing time checks.. we still had to take shuttle bus to pharm fac to hand it in.. there was so much to do, in such a short time..
when we decided we had to go, even though we havent burnt the final report into the cd, bao had to carry the laptop just as it is, so that we can work on it on the way to pharm.. we squeezed into the lift to get to the first floor, and in that squeezy lift, cyn passed the blank cd to beabu, bao opened the cd drive (she took some time to find it), beabu put the cd in, bao closed the drive. think its easy? not so ytd.. ppl were all staring as though we were idiots, but who in the right mind has the bloody time to care...
so i was carrying bao's bag, and we had to cross the road to the busstop.. rmbr it was pouring.. beabu had to shield the laptop (note: shield the LAPTOP, not bao.. of coz if can shield den shield.. but she's 2nd in imptce at that time..) den we spotted the bus, so we had to run after it.. crazy.. how do u run when its pouring, and yet make sure the damn laptop doesnt get wet? ask bao.. cyn's slippers started flying off.. i started to think mebbe bao and beabu can go first.. but cyn and i managed to get to the bus, and it was FULL. good. i was already being a mad woman so i was screaming: heck care lah just SQUEEZE. GO ON THE BUS! so there the ppl heard me and i just squeezed my ass up, not bothering if im squashing anyone in the process..
bao continued formatting the damn cd.. when we reached the bus stop, we struggled to get down.. bao just put the laptop down on the busstop seat (the guy sitting there stared at us and moved away), with all of us squatting there staring at the screen.. time check: 2.01pm. we went hysterical.. it was still raining btw.. finally the disc was ready.. stuff it in a cd sleeve, and stuff that into the envelop, and we're ready to go.. who's the fastest sprinter? our dearest bao.. so she used her jacket which is more or less more waterproof to protect the great envelop, and sprinted all the way frm the busstop to pharm fac to hand in our proj..
beabu and i just sat at the bus stop, totally shagged.. cyn had to follow bao, coz she knew her own fac (duh.. oh we exchanged slippers so her slippers wun fly off..) after that we just.. cmi.. all like zombies liao..
and guess wad?? bao beabu and i still had nm proj to do! yeah man! i shan't elaborate on that.. at least it wasnt that dramatic.. hahahah we decided we were getting old and couldnt take this kinda thing anymore..
today, blk c had uniform party! hahahha.. i shld have worn my nj u man.. coz all the nj gals nv wear nj u! only the guys wore!! hx didnt have the metal buttons tho.. but bobo had! so funny manz.. hahaha.. its fun to take photo wif seniors in sch u.. and we played wad.. captains ball.. wah lao eh.. damn tired.. lucky i wore our nj polo tee + nj shorts.. so not so bad.. those who wore pinafore and a line skirt ah.. wah lao haha so sweaty after that.. hahaha.. but it was fun.. nice supper after that! ponned photoshoot though.. bleah haha
i choose not to think of depressing things, or what may happen in the future. I REJECT.

It's something Mystical

Monday, March 26, 2007
withers away @ 7:10 pm

there's still alot to do, but this is so impt i reckon i better blog it...
EL AND MEL READ THIS:
we all officially the oogie family from this day on.
el = hoogie
mel = doogie (similar to doggie)
bea = boogie
bao = woogie
cyn = toogie
me = poogie
lovely isnt it ppl? XD

It's something Mystical

Sunday, March 25, 2007
withers away @ 12:39 am

ytd was the grand dnd.. which the dnd comm were all busy preparing for.. things were last min.. i was cutting the new video clip for japheth just the night before, and i havent even seen the place before, and i had no idea wad to do when we reach so early.. andre the chair was calling the shots, its tough on him to handle so much, esp ytd.. he was co-ordinating evthg, but u can see he's scared that smth somewhere would go wrong.. he rmbred evthg for dnd, but forgot his speech, so had to write out again.. oh wells..
some of us went there early to prepare the place, like put doorgifts beside all the plates, put prog bklet in betw all the glasses, carry the lucky draw prizes in, set up the red carpet and stands, balloon sculpture, reception table.. for a couple of hours i sat inside alone, looking after the prizes.. the prizes were good lah! tv, dvd player, mini compo, mp3 etc.. haha.. was so tired i wanted to slp, but i cant afford to.. scared if any prize missing i will die loh..
den the pageant contestants start coming, rehearsal starts.. denise the prog ic comes and gives us the detailed prog sheet.. that's when i knew when exactly wad to do.. hmmm.. later on, went to change and make up.. i was getting damn hungry by now, coz i only had brunch..
but by the time some of us gals got out, the guys almost finished all the food=.= and andre was already asking us to go in and standby when i havent even gotten a bowl.. he was getting kancheong and pekcek liao.. hahah.. can understand lahz.. so we quickly finished eating (though i wasnt full yet><) and went in.. to wait for ppl to come..
prog started late though.. it was supposed to be 7.30.. started at 8 instead.. when the prog started, janice still wasn't here.. she has all the colour awards certs and awards with her.. and we need to put them in order.. i started to panic abit.. find denise for help.. she was on the way.. once she reached she was in a foul mood also, coz she was caught up in hall.. so we quickly carried evthg to backstage to arrange.. luckily we were pretty efficient..
when it was lucky draw and awards presentation, i was passing the stuff to puaysan, who would pass it to the one giving the prizes (if u are wondering, yes, we do have the same chinese name.. haha) so.. there's this long long period of time i was just standing on stage looking at the audience.. and feeling pain in my heels.. hahahha..
looking at all the food come out yet cannot eat.. argh.. v cham.. so some of us went back to our blk c tables to kope food.. hoho.. den took photos too.. but i only ate 1 dish! and it was damn nice alr.. ok lah by then i was bloody hungry alr.. we had no place to sit, no food to eat, den just keep koping the drinks.. argh..
when it neared the end, that's when we all heaved a sigh of relief.. really.. i felt this.. big relief.. so scared things wld screw up.. some minor screw ups here and there of coz.. cranky, kan cheong, some arguing, confusion of coz.. but all in all, it was a success.. many ppl dressed according to their blk theme.. there was lots of laughing and cheering.. im sure ppl had fun..
we were of coz the last to go, having to clear up evthg.. all of us were damn hungry, so we decided to go out for dinner/supper.. comm treat on another day! yoohoo~

It's something Mystical

Monday, March 19, 2007
withers away @ 8:57 pm

there are some things that still keep me sane.. this is one of those.. hehe.. but finish liao! *sobs*


he's damn shuai can.. hahaha..

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 6:22 pm

maybe im lazy, but im really too tired to even want to move an inch. dragging myself thru march wasn't easy, but at least it'll be over soon:D looking back on march, i wonder how i survived.. bleahz
amplitude i would say was a success.. i really enjoyed myself on stage.. the audience's reactions were priceless.. efei was so funny! hahahaha.. this choir has potential but no commitment.. that's really sad.. haiz..

It's something Mystical

Friday, March 16, 2007
withers away @ 12:10 am

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?"
He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins."
tuesdays with morrie by mitch albom
i've always wanted to read this bk, but i could never find it till recently. i havent finished reading, but i already know i'd love this bk..

It's something Mystical

Friday, March 09, 2007
withers away @ 12:26 am

when u stay in hall, u realize the many things u can do, and the many things u can endure too. endurance level rises.
and u take things which u once thought u couldn't.
like...
HAVING A DAMN LIZARD CRAWL IN FRONT OF YOU THE WHOLE NIGHT.
and patiently waiting for it to crawl out of ur rm (which it did. thankfully. phew.)
neh not scared of lizard, but its just not nice seeing it crawling in front of u like.. all the time.. hahahahaha

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, March 07, 2007
withers away @ 6:18 pm

i've been sick.. no good at all.. but i've gotten much better.. at least no recurring fever.. that part worried me quite a bit.. not to mention the doc didnt give me paracetamol.. so now its just coughing..
today is bugs day.. it was scary.. today while watching anime on youtube i saw this black thing with moving white mandibles on my pinboard.. oh man its a damn spider.. it looked damn disgusting.. both bao and i were like "OH MY GOSH ITS SO DISGUSTING I DUN WANT TO GET NEAR IT KTHXBYE" we looked at it for a long time, not knowing wad to do with it.. i was standing near the window (to keep a distance away), when i suddenly realized a thing moving beside me.. another spider on the blinds! i just ran out of the room shouting "GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!" lucky i saw mingli and so asked her to come in to get rid of them.. yeah! haha.. actually if i saw the spiders outside it'll be nothing.. i just dun want them in my room coz i dunno wad to do with them.. argh.. den just now when i came back into my room there was a small lizard on the floor.. i hate having lizards anywhere else but the walls.. they shld stay on the walls..
i havent been good for the past wk.. sorry.. my pms stretches for pretty long.. i've been damn AS also.. havent been down for dinner at all.. bleah i shld stop being AS.. its bad.. i havent seen ppl for.. v long.. its just so convenient to keep to urself and ur rm..
gan dong yue shi shen ke
ji mo jiu yue shang ren
mei ge ren de xin li dou hui you yi duan shang hen
qi shi hen ai ni by zhang shao han

It's something Mystical

Thursday, March 01, 2007
withers away @ 11:55 pm

everyone is sick.. everyone take care k..
doesn't help when u have 2 tests to study when u just wanna rest and slp..
thanks ppl.. esp cyn hehe:D

It's something Mystical